Rooftops and Rain

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…that awkward moment when you created a character so long ago, put the story down for awhile and now you can’t remember their name for the life of you.

I hope I have it written down somewhere. I remember his last name was Edwardson, but what the hell was his first name? Argh! Something tells me his name was Edward but I don’t think I would have done that and not remembered….

EDIT: Eric. Okay, I knew it was an “E” name…well “Eric Edwardson” doesn’t really roll of the tongue very well, but what the hell? He’s a nobleman and doesn’t have to care.

Filed under writing fanfics what the hell is the name of Lena's fiance argh...

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Watching a doco about reborn dolls and going eeew those people so weird and dolls are do creepy!! Why would you take it out in public!? How much did you pay for that dead baby???
….as I pack doll clothes surrounded by mountains of bjd bodies.
Pot, kettle yeah yeah

(via highpriestessice)

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What the hell? I feel oddly calm and comfortable in the fact that I’m going to Dollism. I’m going to chalk yesterday up to me having a setback on Wednesday.

Anyone who is going - SEE YOU THERE!

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If I had to leave for Dollism right now, I’d be on the way. Not that I’m not wired and nervous, but I’m not a basket case. Which is good, but I don’t leave until tomorrow.

The problem being, of course, that I suffer the worst in the mornings, after not getting a good night’s sleep. At least I’ve scheduled the noon bus, instead of going earlier. It will give me several hours to talk myself into it first.

Wow, if I go, the border guards are going to think I’m suspicious because I *will* be an emotional wreck. Not that I have anything to hide. I’m not even bringing stuff to the swap meet. Not that I don’t have stuff I could bring, but  I have no energy to go through it, and every less thing that will cause me potential anxiety is good.

I wonder if going to work for a few hours first might give me a bit of extra courage. Or if it would just make me hate my life more…

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i feel like all my doll friends are going to Dollism exept me ;____;

but even if i have decided to go i wouldn’t have felt right going at this point due to other issues so it’s for the best really

Well, for me, it’s still up in the air. I’m bending towards courage at this moment, though. We’ll miss you!

Filed under being an adult

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I wish I could shake this fear of going to Dollism. One part of me is terrified that in my current mental state (which is not good) I will only be making it worse. Another part of me knows that being around people would probably be the best thing for me. But I don’t know - I guess I’ve just had too many negative experiences with the doll community at large to feel fully confident putting myself out there anymore. Because normally I do not suffer from social anxiety like this - not this badly, anyway.

I also know that if I don’t go, I’ll probably just be mad at myself for giving in to my fear. And I got to admit - I’d kick myself for missing the dessert buffet.

This is not like me. I’ve crossed the world on several occasions for way more than a weekend, and while I usually have at least a small amount of anxiety (and usually a bit more than a little) in the weeks before, usually it’s completely faded before I leave. I’ve been to Anime North every year since 2001, and to two US conventions (ACEN and Youmacon) and not once have I ever been this wired or afraid to go.

Maybe it’s the nature of the event. There will be no anime. There will be no gaming. There will be no major geekery or cosplay or chaos. Just dolls. And as much as I love dolls, I tend to run out of things to say about them after awhile.

As much as I want to say I’ll be brave and head out to Buffalo anyway, I honestly can’t make any promises. I’m all packed up, but it’s really going to depend on whether I’m just so freaked out tomorrow that I can’t get off my couch. I want to say I’ll find the courage, but I don’t trust myself. It will be an incredible waste of a registration and hotel room, though.

I’ll be talking to my sister tonight, and perhaps she can help me put it all in perspective. I’m hoping so. Because I do want to see my friends, even if I’m not social with other people. I just don’t want it to seem like I’m clinging or being annoying.

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As the game goes on, you can tell that he really does care about the party members, but is scared that he’s already burned his bridges with all the betrayals. He isn’t just some asshole who likes double-crossing people and it’s upsetting that some people interpret him as such.

As the game goes on, you can tell that he really does care about the party members, but is scared that he’s already burned his bridges with all the betrayals. He isn’t just some asshole who likes double-crossing people and it’s upsetting that some people interpret him as such.

(via tales-confessions)

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Who got FF Curtain Call?

I wanna play some online battles

I’ll most likely be getting it in the next couple days, but this is a busy week for me and I might not get a lot of time to get on and actually play. I’ve never played multi-player on a game before, so it could be interesting :)

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My dolls are dressed so plainly for Dollism. I just have no energy to dress them up all fancy. Curse this exhaustion/anxiety/weird dreams keeping me up. I wanted them to look fantastic, and they just look *blah*. Well, okay. Asher looks surprisingly good (I didn’t know he’d look so good in a vest), but the other three are just…meh. Especially Paige.

I guess I still have two days to fix that, and I guess I can buy some stuff for them at the con itself, but my dolls represent characters who are just average people from present-day Canada. If I was bringing Al, I could dress her in steampunk, but Paige just looks wrong in that stuff, IMO.

My eye is still half blind and I see the specialist tomorrow, finally. If I don’t get a doom-and-gloom diagnosis (which on the surface I know I won’t, but tell my subconscious mind that) then maybe I’ll finally calm down and be able to concentrate on Dollism prep. Admittedly, Dollism is part of the problem causing me anxiety, and I think I remember why - this event. And it all of a sudden makes perfect sense why I would be apprehensive about it.

I swear, though - if my dolls are in any way snubbed at this con, then I am so done with the community at large, and I will never attend or bring dolls to events like this again. Except I’ll still hang and go to meets with my more local friends, who are always really cool and awesome :) Not everyone sucks.